The Butterfly Effect
by P.Emerald
Summary: Starting at the beginning of Frostbite, some weather reports cause the guardians to move Rose's Qualifier a few days earlier. How will that affect everything there is to come? Is the future even the same anymore? Canon Pairings. Rating T for violence/swearing Possible M rated scenes will be clearly marked.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, everyone! I've been a lurker on this site for almost ten years now, but I've finally decided to take the plunge and write my own story. **

**I'm usually confident about my English, but since I'm not a native English speaker, my expressions can sometimes sound…. off. If you are a native speaker interested in betaing this story, please send a PM my way.**

**DISCLAIMER: This is fanfiction. All known characters and subplots belong to Richelle Mead. Any resemblance to other stories on this site is coincidental. I have read a lot of fanfiction over the years and undoubtedly be influenced by it. **

**SUMMARY: Starting at the beginning of Frostbite, some weather reports cause the guardians to move Rose's Qualifier a few days earlier. How will that affect everything there is to come? Is the future even the same anymore?**

**ABOUT THE STORY: It will follow the book's events closely at first, skimming over things that remain the same and focusing at the differences and the hidden moments. As the plot unfolds, it will get more and more different than the books. You might need to read Frostbite to refresh the skimmed over conversations. **

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**Chapter 1: The Qualifier**

"What? What did you say?" _No way._

"I said, you will be taking your Qualifier today. Go get ready and meet me at the gate in an hour." Yup, I heard it right. Unbelievable. I looked at Dimitri incredulously.

"An hour? And you're only telling me now?" I exclaimed. Normally, the test is taken in our Junior year and all the novices take it on the same -set- date. Since I missed it because of being on the run with Lissa at the time, it made sense that they would make me take it this year, but I didn't expect that they would just spring it on me like that.

At my shocked expression, Dimitri's usually stoic face showed a tiny tinge of amusement but instead of mocking me like I would have probably done, he elaborated. "To be fair, you were supposed to take it in a few days but we moved it up at the last moment yesterday."

"You could have still told me yesterday! I'll be completely unprepared!" Reality was starting to sink in and honestly, I was starting to freak out a bit.

"You will be fine. I didn't want you to be distracted during training today so I waited. You can mentally prepare on the way anyway. Just go get ready Rose. 58 minutes."

58 minutes. I bolted out of the gym and instead of heading to the girls' locker rooms, I went straight back to my dorm room. I needed some better clothes.

The Qualifier, unlike the mainly physical aspects of my training, is focused on a novice's dedication and commitment to becoming a guardian. An older, respected guardian would typically have a discussion with the novice to try and assess if they are fit for the job. It wasn't something you could study for, but I could at least dress the part.

I chose clothes in the standard black and white colors reminiscent of the guardian uniform. Black skinny jeans with enough stretch to allow for movement, a simple white knit sweater and black knee-high boots that would hopefully protect me from the chilly weather that had settled here in Montana the past few days.

By the time I'd showered, dried my hair and dressed, I had exactly 26 minutes left. I hastily threw my hair up in a ponytail, grabbed my jacket and headed to the cafeteria. I didn't have much time, but considering I didn't know how long that drive would be, I decided to risk Dimitri's wrath and not skip dinner.

Somehow, I managed to eat my food, explain what was happening to Lissa and reach the car only five minutes late. I was impressed with myself.

My mood soared even more when I found out that I would be spending the next five hours alone in a car with Dimitri. He explained that because of the weather reports indicating snowstorms in the next few days, they had decided to move my test to today, to make the drive easier. He also told me that since they are technically doing us a favor, we would be the ones making the trip to them. To _him_. Arthur Shoenberg; a legendary guardian whose exploits were part of my curriculum but was also apparently on a first name basis with Dimitri, my own Russian God.

Five hours, a food stop and a gas stop later we found ourselves outside the Badica household where Arthur Schoenberg was currently allocated. The house was nice - as you would expect for royals – built all in one level and groomed to perfection despite the constant snowfall.

We approached the front door and Dimitri rang the doorbell. The response came only seconds later, through a speaker on the wall. "Hello, state your names", greeted the man. "This is Guardian Belikov with Novice Hathaway", answered Dimitri in a professional yet light tone.

The door opened then, to reveal the friendly face of an older guardian. Immediately, he went for a handshake. "Dimitri, long time no see."

"Nice to see you again Art." Dimitri's voice was the warmest I've ever heard from him in a business setting.

"And this must be the Rosemarie Hathaway I've heard so much about." He extended his hand to me. This is when my brain caught up with me and I realized that I was actually looking at Arthur Schoenberg. For real. And he is talking to me and reaching for a handshake.

"Hello, sir." I said more confidently than I felt and I gave him what I hoped was a steady and firm handshake.

"Come in, both of you. It's freezing out here." With a final look at the front yard he let us inside and closed the door behind us.

"The moroi are sleeping so we should be quiet. I'm supposed to stand guard for the night so it would be ideal if Dimitri could replace me while me and Rosemarie have our conversation." I was so nervous I didn't even bother correct him on the use of my given name.

"No problem, Art, I'll stay guard at the entrance." Dimitri nodded politely.

Arthur nodded back and turned to me. "We should go to my office. It's at the back." I nodded and started to follow him inside. After a moment's hesitation, I turned my head back and caught Dimitri's eye. Reassured, I steeled myself, held my head high and disappeared inside the house, still feeling his lingering stare at the back of my head.

Arthur lead us into his office, a practical but still comfortable looking room with a desk in the center, a computer on top of it and an office chair. The back walls were filled with filling cabinets while the front of the room held another two chairs. And one was currently occupied by me. Arthur sat in his office chair across from me and held up a thick file with the academy's logo on it. My file. I cringed mentally.

"You seem to have an impressive record Ms Hathaway." That's one way to put it.

"I tend to be a little reckless sometimes" Just a little.

"You call going on the run for two years, with the Dragomir Princess no less, a little reckless?" he raised an eyebrow and gave me a hard stare. It wasn't exactly accusatory and it was a matter I expected to come up so I kept my patience.

_The good in your record outweighs the bad. The good in your record outweighs the bad._

Dimitri's words from earlier rang repeatedly in my head and I found the strength to calm down and think about my next answer. I decided on honesty.

"Before we left, I knew she was in danger. I didn't know exactly what kind, but I was convinced she needed to get away from there. Turns out I was right. Maybe I could have handled it differently, told someone, but the only thing that would have accompliced would be to alert Victor Dashkov that I know someone's watching her and confirm his suspicions. So, since I couldn't trust anyone, I got her out of there. To protect her." I paused for emphasis.

"And I did. For two years we flew under the radar, avoided dangerous situations with humans and fought off Victor's psi hounds. I realise now that I wouldn't have faired well against actual strigoi but at the time I thought I could. It seemed like a logical move."

He kept his stare on me, his expression an unreadable guardian mask. "Do you regret it?"

The answer came easier this time. "No, I don't. I would do it all over again. Just maybe not neglect my training as much." I cringed a little at how silly I had been. The corner of his mouth twitched.

"When we came back, the 'attacks' became more obvious. She was targeted; and no one could do anything to stop it. And when she was kidnapped, they barely even listened to me. They didn't believe me. If it weren't for Dimitri backing me up, or if the bond was still at those early stages of development of two years ago, I'm afraid the results might have been very different."

He seemed thoughtful for a moment but then continued. "What about all the training and classes that you missed? Think you can catch up?"

"That's were Dimitri come in. We train an extra 4 hours every day, plus the weekends while I'm trying to catch with homework on my own time. I'm trying my hardest to be where I need to be before graduation."

"What about all the other things in your record?" I proceeded to explain how most of my wilder behavior had stemmed from trying to protect Lissa while the milder things were just _harmless fun. _Whether he agreed with that statement I didn't know, but I was satisfied that he'd at least listened to me. Really listened; which is more than Kirova has ever done for me.

After I was done recounting a few choice exploits from my school career, he steered the conversation in yet another direction. "I think it's pretty clear this far that you are more than willing to do anything for Vasilissa, but in more than one occasion you have hurt other moroi. So it raises the question. Are you prepared to be a dedicated guardian for anyone else? Even if they aren't your friend?"

That caught me off guard for a moment. I was determined to get allocated to Lissa after graduation, but what if despite everything I didn't? I would still want to be a guardian. It would be harder but I would do it.

"It would be harder to guard someone else. Without the familiarity and our mutual friendship and of course the advantage of our bond. But there is nothing else I'd rather do with my life. I would still want to guard." I shrugged slightly.

"As for any moroi I've hurt, well. I've felt like Lissa's guardian for years now even if it's not official yet and I felt like I had to protect her you know? Strigoi are not the only potential danger around. I was prepared to fight anyone for her, be it moroi or damphir…_even guardians_." I said, thinking of the royals, Mia, Victor's guardians and even Dimitri at one point.

"Good." He said with a smile, his guardian mask falling off his face. I looked at him a little dumbstruck. "I can see you have potential. I can see why Dimitri has such faith in you."

"I'll make sure I live up to your standards, sir.", I replied, unsure how to handle such praise from such a legend.

"Make sure you live up to Dimitri's standards then because I haven't seen such a promising novice since him."

I gave him a real, big smile now. "That's the biggest compliment I can imagine."

"You trust him." It wasn't a question, but I nodded anyway.

"There's no one I'd rather leave with Lissa's protection." I hoped that was a good answer. I didn't to give away anything _unnecessary_. It's normal to trust and respect your mentor, right? Before I could really ponder that he stood up.

"Well, in case you haven't realized, congratulations, you passed.", he nodded with another gentle smile.

"Thank you, Guardian Schoenberg." I was so happy, I felt I could explode.

"Please, Rosemarie, call me Art." Ok, scratch that, now I would definitely explode.

"Call me Rose."

He chuckled. "Well, Rose, we're done. You are dismissed."

It took everything I had not to bolt out the door, scream from happiness and run straight into my Comrade's arms. Instead, I walked slowly back to the living room, _Art _following closely by and gave Dimitri an elated smile that I hoped conveyed how much I was bursting at the seams with happiness.

I watched him as he leaned gracefully against the wall, his face magically lighting up with a rare full smile when he saw my expression. _God, he's breathtaking._

"I take it all went well?" he said, his gaze staying on me for just a moment longer before turning to look behind me.

"Great.", was all Arthur said.

"Never doubted it." He said proudly. "But I'm afraid we have a different problem.", he continued, his face sobering.

Arthur was immediately on alert. "What kind of problem?"

"I got a call from Arberta, from the Academy. It's snowing heavily there at the moment and according to the latest reports it isn't stopping anytime soon."

"If you leave now, you'll end up stranded on the road." Arthur observed.

Dimitri nodded and continued. "She recommended that we either stay here until further notice or we leave and try to find some motel on the road until the last leg clears."

"The Badicas have family visiting at the moment so the guestroom is occupied. They came with an extra guardian as well so the house is pretty full." Arthur explained. "However, we should try to call all available motels before you leave so you don't end up without a room."

"Good idea." Dimitri agreed.

As it turns out, it really was a good idea because an hour and countless phone calls later Dimitri had to admit defeat. Apparently, two weeks before Christmas was already a busy time and because of the storm, everyone had been looking for shelter and everything was booked.

"Unfortunately, we will have to stay for a few more hours and then travel during the night." He said to Arthur. Then he turned to me. "I will call the school to excuse you from your morning classes. You should take a nap on the couch. You must have been up for more than 20 hours now." He was right of course. We left during the moroi night and I didn't even nap in the car because of my nerves.

"What about you?" I was willing to bet Dimitri had been up even longer than me at this point.

"I'll be fine." _Of course you will._ My eyes narrowed. "If you think I'll let you drive sleep deprived, Comrade, you have another thing coming. I actually value my life you know. Unless you want _me_ to drive?" I said, using my snarkiest voice.

His lip actually twitched while Arthur, who had been standing stoically against the wall, let a small chuckle. I call victory.

"She's got you there Dimitri. Maybe you should take the bigger couch. Rose can fit on the smaller one. I'll wake you if I have any news or if the moroi are about to wake up."

Dimitri shook his head at him but eventually agreed. The relief from passing my test as well as Dimitri's comforting presence a few feet away from me helped me fall asleep almost immediately. _Even though this isn't how I thought our first time sleeping in the same room would be like._

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**Ideally, I'd like to cover the whole timeline of the books but we'll see how far I'll get. For now the pace is quite slow, like in the books but hopefully it won't be too boring ;). I might just leave it as a few chapters about the Qualifier if it doesn't work out. Tell me what you think. Reviews/PMs are appreciated. **

**Next up, the strigoi fight!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello, again. The first chapter seems to have been well received and I am ready to show you more. So, here you have it! I hope it's as exciting for you to read as it was for me to wright. I tried to make it believable.**

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**WARNING:**** I wouldn't say this is quiet M rated but if you were disturbed by the massacre in the book you might be disturbed by this.**

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**Chapter 2: The attack**

The next thing I knew, I was being woken up by Arthur. The sun had set and the snow was falling as heavily as ever. The moroi were about to wake up and still no news from the Academy. Arthur's shift was over and he went to sleep. The other two guardians had woken up and cleared the snow from the driveway using the last rays of sunlight. Not that it would matter in case of emergency. The road was already blocked and neither our car nor theirs was meant for such conditions.

The second Badica guardian, Arthur's partner, promised us breakfast soon – the moroi had been informed of our prolonged presence and agreed to cook a couple more servings for us – and then proceeded to tell me all about their usual guarding techniques. _Yay, more lessons early in the morning. _I hadn't slept nearly enough, but the promise of food and even more time with Dimitri, helped me keep the snark to a minimum.

We limited our presence in the kitchen, as to not disturb the family and their guests. They went about their normal routine and I felt a bit like an intruder in their home, since we were supposed to leave hours ago, but breakfast was delicious and the conversation with Dimitri lighthearted so I definitely wasn't complaining.

Suddenly, I saw something move with lightning speed out of the corner of my eye and several things happened at once. I heard a loud crash, the glass doors in the kitchen shattered and two dark figures were inside the house. The first strigoi pounced on Dimitri and threw him on the kitchen counters. Even on a few hours of sleep and being caught off guard, Dimitri was fast enough to block most of the blow and protect his neck. The second one came for me.

I was completely unprepared, weaponless and caught by surprise. But since I was standing farther inside the house, I had a little more time to react and duck away from the strigoi's deadly grasp. I didn't really have time to think about the situation because the strigoi was on me immediately. I was lucky. It must have formerly been a human because it wasn't especially tall or strong. At least for a strigoi. It was still stronger than most dhampir.

In the time it took me to compose myself and start fighting seriously, Dimitri had his silver stake out and was gaining on his opponent. With one movement, my Russian God threw the strigoi against the glass, shattering another body shaped hole in it and jumped over to my strigoi, staking it. It felt like Natalie all over again. Only this time he actually took out his spare stake and shoved it in my hands. "Go to the moroi." His expression was intense with fear, almost panicked, which was most uncharacteristic for him. Before I could reply, he ran back to the other strigoi that had recovered in the meantime.

At that moment my other senses caught up and I finally registered the sounds coming from the living room. _Screams. More strigoi._ I didn't think. I didn't hesitate. My shock had worn off and now I was running on adrenaline. I rushed in the living room and pounced on the first strigoi I saw. It was female and it had it's back to me. _It was drinking from someone._

Brandishing my stake, I realized midjump that I was never actually taught how to use it. Staking from the back was the hardest and required aim, technique and lots of practice so I had the foresight to shove the stake in its side instead, hoping to maybe puncture a kidney.

The strigoi screamed in pain and released its victim turning around to face me. I was barely able to pull out the stake and hold on to it and the strigoi was attacking me with fury. I had interrupted her meal. She must have been moroi previously, because she was fighting clumsily and underestimating my skill. Soon enough I found an opening and aimed for the left side of her chest. She screamed in pain but was far from dead_. That's right, the heart is more to the middle._

Before she could completely recover, I punched her face with my left arm, trying to pull out the stake with the other. She must have been newly turned as well, because she was thrashing and screaming from pain as I clumsily wiggled the stake, trying to pull it out from between her ribs. By now, her front was bathed in blood and the splatter was all over me as well.

I made another attempt, found another opening and tried to channel as much Dimitri as I could. I had seen him do it twice now, the latter time fresh in my memory. Copying his movements, I pushed the stake in her chest one more time, and then again when it didn't reach deep enough.

Her pain must have been intense, because I managed to tackle her down, stake still inside, and she struggled as I tried to find the correct angle to reach the heart. Finally, after what seemed like forever, she stilled. I got off of her and looked around me, heart pounding in my chest from what I had just done.

On the other side of the living room I saw Dimitri and Arthur fighting three strigoi. Slightly behind me, one of the children; crying over a woman's body, calling for her to wake up_. His mother,_ I remembered, _she made us breakfast._

I took one last look at the empty eyes of the strigoi at my feet, her face contorted in silent scream even in death, her body mangled and bloodied. Broken. _I need to move._ Breaking out of my trance, I finally registered more sounds of fighting and a rush of adrenaline gave me the final push to leave my current position. There would be time to process everything later. Right now, I had to help.

By the time I reached the fight in front of me, Arthur had staked one of the three and moving on the other, so I decided to help Dimitri with a particularly big strigoi, obviously a former guardian. I went from the side, silver stake in hand, creating a distraction. I went for his shoulder and he tried to dodge by sidestepping me. I managed to scrape him slightly nonetheless and he flinched. We fell into step almost naturally and, in a few minutes, the strigoi was taken down, Dimitri swiftly and efficiently staking it.

At the same time last strigoi realizing its predicament, gave one last push, threw Arthur to the side and started backing away. He made it out of the house and smirked at us. "Poor Badicas, so few of them left. Others will follow." And with those ominous last words, he disappeared in the darkness outside.

I was stunned. I saw Arthur get up and rush to the moroi. Dimitri went to inpect the bodies. Arthur took the child inside one of the rooms, away for this bloodbath. The mother was apparently alive, barely. She was the one my strigoi had been feeding on before I stopped her.

All around us the rest hadn't been as lucky. There were bodies everywhere. The two Badica guardians among them, one with his throat slit open, one with his head smashed against the wall. One moroi woman on the couch. She could have been sleeping if not for the blood still fresh on her neck. A child slumped against the other side of the couch. A few feet away, a man. The sight made me sick inside and yet I couldn't look away. I'd never seen so much death before. So many lives lost. In comparison to this, Natalie's dead animals seemed almost cuddly. _Almost._

And the strigoi. I knew they were evil and unnatural but that didn't make the sight any less gruesome. There were so many of them too. Four in the living room. Two in the kitchen that jumped Dimitri and I. One escaped. Seven strigoi was unheard of. Coming in from several entry points, surprising the guardians, blocking all exits and herding the moroi in the middle. They had worked as a group. It should have been impossible. _This place was warded._ The guardian had told me not long ago. _And now he's dead._

I felt a hand on my shoulder that woke me from my haze. I had been staring at her.

"Rose, are you ok?" Came Dimitri's soft voice. Fearful, calming, like he was talking to a child; or a wild animal.

"I killed her. That one." I whispered. "I butchered her." I choked. I had tears in my eyes. A lump in my throat.

"Come on, let's go inside." His voice filled with an emotion I couldn't identify. He steered me towards one of the rooms, a comforting arm around my shoulder.

The master bedroom, I assumed, had been turned into a temporary infirmary. Two adult moroi laying side by side on the bed, bandages around their necks and two small children being comforted by Arthur.

"Back up is on the way" he said. We nodded.

Dimitri sat me on a chair. "I'll go inspect the rest of the house" He turned to leave and I stood up instantly. "I'll come with you." I said. _Don't leave me here._

"You don't have to see any more of this." He reasoned.

"They're gone by now. I should see how it's done." _And you shouldn't go alone._

He glanced at Arthur who nodded in agreement. "It's fine. Both of you go and when you're done wait outside. They shouldn't take too long to come." I assumed _they_ would be guardian reinforcements; and probably a medical team.

We walked once again around the house and I discovered another strigoi body near the bathroom and a broken window. Four entry points. The front door, the living room windows, the kitchen through the back patio and this one. A total of 8 strigoi.

"I thought there were wards." I said.

"Maybe they were weakened." He didn't seem so sure. They were maintained regularly; the guardians had assured us of that.

Dimitri had acquired a flashlight somehow, so we headed outside and walked in the snow, trying not to disturb the strigoi footprints. They might lead us somewhere.

On the right side of the house we found a silver stake laying on the ground. _Strigoi can't touch silver stakes._ I voiced this out loud. _ Humans might, _he said. If Dimitri was correct, then this changed everything we've ever known about dealing with strigoi.

We walked to the front again and decided to wait in the car. Even with a jacket, it was freezing outside.

"Should we really go inside like this?" I gestured to our bloody clothes when we reached it.

"We don't have a change of clothes and we have to get back at some point. Alberta can deal with the bloodstains." He was obviously done caring at this point but didn't go inside yet. "I'm so sorry Rose." His pained expression completely open. "I planned to start you practicing with stakes after your Qualifier." He run a bloody hand nervously though his hair.

The lump in my throat was back. I looked down. "You couldn't have predicted this." I said.

"I know." He sighed. "I just wish it didn't have to happen this way for you."

"The first kills are always harder… Even with strigoi, it's still taking a life. But this… I'm sorry." He continued.

I couldn't contain my tears any longer. "I tortured her, Dimitri." I admitted in between sobs. "I held her down and tried to go around the ribs but I didn't know how" By the time I finished my sentence I was in his arms, the last words muffled as my face pressed again his chest. I don't know how long he held me as I cried, but eventually he directed me inside the car. He turned the heat on and I realized I was freezing.

To distract me, he started telling me about the alchemists. Apparently, I wasn't supposed to know about them until after graduation but they would show up soon so I might as well know now. I guess he really was fed up with everything.

_The alchemists_. Humans working with vampires to protect humans from vampires. Apparently, they hate us so much that they help us stay hidden and away from their precious kind. _As if this day wasn't crazy enough already_. I shook my head. Another disturbing thought made its way into my mind then. If humans were known to help us, was Dimitri's theory really that far-fetched? Humans working with strigoi would mean the wards were no longer safe, the daylight was no longer safe.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of cars in the distance. The alchemists were the first to arrive complete with snow appropriate cars, unlike our little Honda. They disposed of the strigoi, filled their reports and disappeared as fast as they could. They were clearly uncomfortable; because of the death around us or because of our presence, I couldn't decide. I was definitely curious about them but I wasn't supposed to get too close. I silently wished I had a little more than moonlight so I could get a better look at those mysterious tattoos of theirs.

Not long after, a veritable SWAT team of guardians arrived, accompanied by two ambulances with a moroi medical team and feeders on board. I had to stick through the process of assessing the situation, giving a statement and essentially reliving the situation when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep.

First, some human must have pierced the ward with the stake we found outside. The strigoi came in and caught everyone by surprise. The first guardian fell almost instantly and the second went on to fight two strigoi while another two attacked the moroi in the living room. Eventually he killed of them but wasn't so lucky with the second.

Meanwhile another two had come through a window at the back of the house. The first one creeped up on the man in the bathroom and the other headed to the rest of the rooms. Arthur had heard the commotion and woken up so he started fighting one of them. He staked it quickly. The other abandoned the moroi before he could drain him completely and the fight moved in the living room. At some point Dimitri finished off the second one in the kitchen and managed to join Arthur while directing one the children to lock themselves in the bedroom. The other child had been hiding behind me while I fought my strigoi in the living room and I didn't even notice.

We told them how we killed the other two but the third managed to flee and we told them about the threat he made.

Basically, if Dimitri and I hadn't been there to stall the ones in that came in form the back patio, they would have probably all died.

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**And so it begins. This was the leading idea behind this story. A kill for a shadow kissed dhampir. This changes everything, doesn't it? **


	3. Chapter 3

**Another chapter ready for my dear viewers. I haven't heard any complains about my writing which is great, but I still would like a beta reader if anyone is interested. **

**For now, enjoy.**

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**Chapter 3: The news.**

We waited until dawn to start making our way back home. Alberta cleared it. It turns out Dimitri can drive just fine while sleep deprived and after battle, but I shouldn't be surprised. I'm glad I had made him get some sleep before though.

Despite the horrors I had witnessed, exhaustion soon overcame me and I slept the rest of the way back home. I woke up just before sunset, completely disoriented, and found myself in my dorm room, wearing the same disgusting, destroyed clothes from yesterday.

_I guess that proves it was real._ My memories of yesterday stopped after I fell asleep in the car and I was left wondering if I actually walked to my room last night in a haze or if he carried me here. _Wistful thinking, Rose._

Dimitri didn't turn up for training which made sense since he had to drive us back and got at least five hours less sleep than I did. I, on the other hand, was too agitated to fall back asleep so for the first time in my life, I trained alone. _Maybe I needed a wake-up call like this to suddenly become responsible_, I sniggered to myself.

Morning classes were cancelled and Alberta called an assembly to inform us – well, all except me – about the Badica attack. The guardians sure worked fast in cases of emergency and this time it seemed the news about the attack had spread faster than rumors about royals and that was saying something.

After the initial shock wore off, whispers spread among the students like wildfire. Fear and outrage palpable in the air. Those thoughts however were quickly overshadowed.

The rarity of such an attack coupled with its peculiar nature instilled enough fear to account for drastic measures. Preparations had been made for us to go on a ski trip. We would be spending our break at a royal ski lodge to safely accommodate students and their visiting relatives during the holidays.

Just as quickly, excitement filled the atmosphere but I was one the few that couldn't join in. Mason soon sensed my somber mood.

"Rose, are you still thinking about the attack?" he asked me, after the crowd had dispersed.

"Yes."

"Hey, cheer up it was probably a one off, it's not gonna happen again." He smiled.

"You don't know that." _You didn't hear the threat I did. _

"Don't tell me _the _Rose Hathaway is scared." He joked. When I didn't answer, he continued.

"I wish I'd been there! Tear apart some strigoi you know? We basically know everything already; we should be out in the field." I knew he was trying to cheer me up but something in his tone told me he was only half joking.

"It's not that simple, Mase, you weren't there." I replied.

"And you were? Look, I'm not saying it's simple, I'm saying I'm ready for some action. I expected from you of all people to agree with me." he pouted playfully. I really had no patience for his flirtations today though.

"I saw Natalie. That was bad enough." I said evasively. It really was bad enough with Natalie. Yesterday's events were bordering on traumatic, the images still fresh in my mind. I couldn't find the courage to tell them about the battle. About how I had made my first kill.

"I guess. We still have the ski trip at least." I barely registered Mason reply.

At least I was exhausted enough to not dream about them last night. About _her._ I didn't even know her name. _She must have had one_, I thought distractedly. I paid half mind to Mason rambling about the ski trip, absentmindedly agreeing to hit the slopes, while I thought once again about the images that would haunt my mind forever.

On our evening training session, Dimitri made good on his word and brought me a silver stake. I think he was a little apprehensive at first, judging my reactions – probably to see if I was going to break down like yesterday – but seeing my determined attitude, he went on with the lesson.

Or actually, I did. Unlike the panicked attempts during the attack, this time I talked about the theory and safety first. When I finished answering all his questions, he even let me hold it for a bit, feeling its weight in my hand.

"We will go over technique next time" he nodded in approval. Then his face sobered. "The molnija ceremony will be held tomorrow, at lunchtime."

Of course. I had earned a molnija now. My first tattoo. It had completely skipped my mind. I always thought my first tattoo would be a promise mark. I always thought I'd be excited for my first molnija. Now I just wanted to forget about it and move on but I had to always carry a reminder of it on my skin. And people would notice. _Oh, god, I have to tell my friends_.

Like usual he read my mind. "Have you told anyone yet?"

"No, not yet. I don't really want to talk about it. And I know people will ask questions."

"They will. And you don't have to answer them. But at least tell your friends what happened; no details necessary."

"I will." I nodded.

"And don't blame yourself for not using proper technique. If anything, it's my fault."

"It's not your fault, Comrade. I think it would have been hard even with proper technique."

"I know." Naturally, he does. He has seven already. Up to ten now at just 24.

"I just wish people didn't have to see…" I would have to tie my hair up in practice. The bandage would be pretty conspicuous for the first few days. People were sure to notice and ask questions I wasn't ready to answer. I wish I could just cover up the tattoo with make up or– that's it.

"Is that why you grew out your hair? So they don't have to be visible all the time?" I asked, looking into his eyes. His pained smile was answer enough. But it held a little bit of something else too. Amusement? Wonder? Whatever it was, I knew I had unveiled another one of his secrets.

"See you tomorrow, Rose" I nodded and turned to leave.

"Rose, wait" I turned back to look at him questioningly.

"I'm really glad you're ok." He gave me a sweet half-smile that made me melt inside a little.

"I'm glad you're ok too."

It was true, of course, even though to me, Dimitri was invincible. A god. A legend. Like Arthur Schoenberg. The worst injury he got from killing three strigoi was probably a big bruise from were the first one pushed him on the counter.

With one last admiring glance at my amazing mentor, I turned back out to face reality.

* * *

I knew I had to at least tell Lissa about the attack, before I turned up suddenly bearing marks. Probably Mason and Eddie too. I felt her presence through the bond. She was in the library with Christian. _Ugh, fine; I guess he can hear it too._

"Rose! Where have you been? I haven't seen you all day!" she exclaimed when she saw me.

"Hey Liss. I sat with the boys at the assembly." _And then avoided everyone at lunch._

"You heard about the attack then. There was a rumor that they're after royals." I felt her fear through the bond.

"They won't get to you, Liss, I won't let them." I reassured her. Fortunately, the academy was a lot better protected than the Badica household. And the ski lodge should be too.

"I heard humans helped the strigoi." Added the ever-cheerful Christian.

"It's true" I sighed.

"Really? I thought it was some over exaggerated rumor. How can you be sure?" he questioned curiously.

"I was there." I whispered. Their moroi ears were sure to pick it up.

"What? What do you mean?" Squeaked Lissa in alarm.

"The guardian I had to meet for my Qualifier was one of theirs. After the test we got stranded there due to the snow and out of nowhere, we were attacked." Somehow, I managed to hide my trauma behind the facts.

"Oh my god Rose!" Lissa's fear flared in the back of my mind. "Are you ok?" She all but flung herself to me hugging me tight.

"I'm fine; not injured, don't worry." I reassured her, but inside I was really appreciative of the hug. She let me go. Christian was looking at me in shock.

"I passed the Qualifier by the way…And well… I, ugh, I killed one." I managed to choke out. If possible, Christian's eyes widened even more at the thought, while Lissa screeched "You killed a strigoi!?"

"Shhh!" I put a hand over her mouth. "Everyone will know soon enough but I'd rather keep it quiet for now."

"How was it?" asked Christian hesitantly, like he knew he wasn't supposed to ask.

"Ugly" I sighed "I don't want to talk about it" He seemed to want to say more so I continued.

"The molnija ceremony is tomorrow. After that everyone will know I guess."

"Oh. Should we come? It's your big day!" she said, smiling.

"I think it's just for guardians, Liss. Also, after what happened I don't really want to show off or celebrate." Understanding filled the bond and a compassionate smile graced her features.

"I take it you haven't told the other novices yet?"

"No... I don't want to talk about it and I'm sure they'll think I'm lying. Who knows what rumors they'll make up when they see the actual tattoo." I sighed. I didn't want to worry her but out of all my problems I felt like I could at least share my worries about high school drama with my best friend.

"If anyone gives you trouble you know you can come to me." It was Lissa's time to reassure me. I didn't want her using compulsion, but the sentiment was enough.

"Can you even use compulsion with your pills?"

"No… But I don't need it necessarily." I didn't need to check the bond to see the slight guilt on her face.

"What? Is there something you're not telling me?" My eyes narrowed.

"Well… Lately, I'm feeling closer to my magic. It's not that the pills aren't working" She added hastily seeing my incredulous expression "but maybe they aren't working as well anymore. I don't know."

Great. Like that will reassure me. My best friend might be going crazy again.

"Liss…"

"I'm fine, Rose, really." I wanted to believe her. I reached to her within my mind trying to find any signs of deceit or depression. She really seemed fine, at for now. At the last moment I detected something weird buried deep within her. Something dark and disgusting, almost slimy. As soon as I reached for it, it was gone and a shudder passed through my body.

"Ok, I'll drop it for now." I conceded. I decided I needed to just have a normal conversation with my best friend for today. Thankfully, Christian seemed to understand our need for girl time for once, and with one last snarky remark, he left us alone. By curfew, I was almost feeling normal again.

* * *

**So, what do you think? Not as traumatic as Spokane, of course but certainly a taste of the real world for Rose. I think she might be taking her training a little more seriously from now on, even if Dimka isn't there. **_**Let's hope that it will be enough.**_

**PS: Your reviews bring me joy. You should do it more ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: The marks**

The next day was the day I would get my first molnija. I woke up already feeling nervous about it and my day didn't get much better after that.

I mean don't get me wrong, training helped calm my nerves a bit; Dimitri as always seemed to know what I was thinking. He went over technique this time and I got to stake some dummies. It was a little hard to do it without thinking about the attack, but I knew that this would help me in the long run.

I deliberately chose a male dummy that looked nothing like the female I killed and the quick, efficient movements Dimitri had me practice were also very different from my previous frantic attempts.

In all honesty, couldn't wait to practice my staking even more. I made a silent vow to her, the nameless strigoi, that no other creature would die by my hand in such a gruesome way ever again.

And then, just as I was feeling better and distracting myself, I saw _her_ and my blood boiled more than ever before. My mother. She stood at the front of Stan's class along with two other guest speakers. My mother, who I hadn't seen in years, had come to the academy she knew I was attending – _she dropped me here after all_; I thought bitterly – and yet she said nothing to me, not a warning, a phone call, an email, nothing. And now sitting in my seat waiting for her to start talking, I was sure she didn't even know I was there.

It is one thing to be ignored by your own mother. Maybe she is busy, or mad, or disappointed and even though my mother was all or those things, she wasn't ignoring me. She'd forgotten my existence.

I listened attentively to the other two speakers and before long, it was her turn to speak. She launched into this epic tale of strigoi staking followed by a rare rescue mission she'd been a crucial part of. I would have been really impressive if it weren't for her annoying matter of fact way of speaking. Here I am, trying to recover from killing one strigoi and she can speak about her kills like it was another day at work.

And so, I did what I do best. I antagonized her. She seemed genuinely surprised when she saw me, which only made me madder. She really hadn't thought about me at all when she came with Lord Szelsky.

I could see I was pissing her off the more I talked, but I enjoyed it. She deserved it. Her next statement though was the last straw.

_"We did the best we could with an unusual situation. I can see how someone at your level might not be able to grasp the intricacies of what I'm describing, but once you've actually learned enough to go beyond theory, you'll see how different it is when you're actually out there and lives are in your hands. "_

I shot up from my chair. "You know nothing about my level!" I stormed out of the class, ignoring Stan's angry "Hathaway!"

I waited outside the class for the lecture to finish, trying to calm myself down. I didn't know why I so infuriated but at least I was getting better at controlling myself. Only… All my progress was undone when she came out 5 minutes before class ended and we had another fight. How dare she lecture me on duty? And my training! In about two months of training with Dimitri I all but caught up to everyone else. I had even killed a strigoi. Not that I told her that. In a few hours I would have my first molnija and she could find out about it on her next visit in another 5 years.

I spent the rest of the day angry and annoyed, despite my friends' best efforts. And the weight of the molnija ceremony looming over me didn't make matters any easier. Nor did the fact that everyone was talking about my outburst in Stan's class. _Well, I'll give them something else to talk about real soon. _

When lunch time came, I was still too upset at my mother, so I mentioned nothing about the Badica attack. Mason and Eddie would have to find out the same time as the rest of them.

I walked in the cafeteria, but instead of making a beeline for the food as usual, my eyes found Dimitri's. He was already looking at me. He gave a slight nod at the door and I understood his message.

I waited for him outside and we walked together towards the building where the ceremony would take place. He said nothing about my mother and I appreciated it; this was a somber time – I wanted to look tough in front of everyone, not upset.

When we entered the room, I shocked. Almost every guardian on campus was there. Everyone except the guardians on duty and except my mother. I wasn't sure if she knew yet, but it wouldn't surprise me if she knew and ditched me for a shift.

When we were about to start, Alberta took the stage. "You all know why we're here. We will be starting with Belikov. Three molnija earned during the Badica attack."

Dimitri left my side and calmly walked on the platform where a guardian was preparing a tattoo needle. I was kind of glad that he was first because this way I would know what to expect.

Dimitri remained impassive during the whole process, without so much as flinch. His guardian mask was firmly in place and he was staring straight ahead, looking at nothing and everything at the same time. Despite that I felt like he was looking directly at me.

The guardians watched silently and when they were done no one commented or clapped. I was glad. I was proud of Dimitri of course and I was glad he was ok, but this wasn't a happy affair.

The guardian drawing the tattoos – Lionel, as I came to find out – produced a couple of mirrors for him to see the tattoos and then put on a bandage. He also seemed to telling him something but I couldn't hear it from here.

Dimitri left the stage and I brushed passed him as I took his previous position on the chair.

"Rosemarie Hathaway, one molnija earned during the Badica attack."

I sat on the chair and tried to imitate Dimitri's guardian mask. I'd never had a tattoo before so I didn't know how much it hurt, but I certainly wasn't about to look weak in a room full of guardians. Lionel and Alberta had a brief conversation about the placement of my tattoo and we were ready to begin.

I braced myself for the impact and tried to draw strength by looking-but-not-looking at Dimitri the whole time. I think I did a good job and managed not to show any signs of pain. My tattoo was tiny and I hoped that my hair would be enough to cover it without many people noticing. _Yeah, right._ Lionel gave me some care instructions that I promptly forgot but I could always ask later so I didn't care.

When I was done, Alberta directed me next to Dimitri again and all the guardians came to talk to us one by one. Some showed me a sign of affection, a kiss on the cheek or a hug while others offered a few encouraging words. The biggest surprise was a hug from Stan Alto and the biggest compliment I've ever heard leaving his mouth.

Dimitri didn't really get much hugging action, true to his antisocial nature, but you could clearly see the respect and admiration the other guardians had for him.

In the end every guardian had their turn with us and that only left each other. Dimitri turned to me then and let his guard slip for a moment, giving me a look full of pride and – dare I say – love? I knew he was attracted to me since the lust charm, but I didn't really know how deep his affections were. He only let me catch glimpses of it during a few special moments. Moments like this.

He put his hand on my cheek and nodded at me but I understood everything he wanted to say. Even though it was less than some other guardians had done, it was still enough for me. Words weren't needed between us.

I knew he was proud of me and glad I was ok but I could also see his guilt behind the brave façade. He couldn't help but blame himself for us being in this situation in the first place – even though he couldn't have predicted it – and he blamed himself for me being unprepared – even though he has helped me catch up to two years of training in only about two months.

This is why, when he turned to leave, I knew I had to do something. I cast a quick glance around and then lightly touched his forearm. Not that anyone would get the wrong idea, I had gotten a hug from Stan after all.

"Thank you for saving my ass out there, Comrade." I told him, trying to muster my usual bravado. He was often too stubborn to recognize his own awesomeness. Too soon for my own liking I let him go and headed for the food, it wouldn't do me any good to skip out on lunch.

Afternoon classes were all taught in a classroom so I kept my hair down and no one had noticed my bandage. _It seems I'm safe for today._

My evening session with Dimitri went in a similar fashion to the morning one – staking the dummies and Dimitri adjusting my form to perfection every time. I was getting much cleaner kills by now and Dimitri complimented me on my progress. _You do it like you've been doing it for years. _He'd said.

Of course, my good mood couldn't last because at the last moment I spotted a dummy with red curly hair and my anger for my mother came back. To my dismay, Dimitri defended her saying we're too much alike which I found ridiculous.

"Don't you think what she did was great?" he questioned.

"Yes. No. I don't know. It just sounded so emotionless, so business-like. It's like nothing affects her; not the horrors of the job; not abandoning me. I bet she doesn't even know I was there… She wasn't at the ceremony."

"Rose, I'm sorry… She must have come directly after the news spread. Not many people know the details yet."

"I know… It's just… Sometimes, I really wish for some real family." I sighed dejectedly.

"Come on."

I stopped walking. "What?"

We'd been heading toward my dorm, but now he nodded his head toward the opposite side of campus. "I want to show you something."

"What is it?"

Instead of answering he just turned and started walking, knowing I would follow. We walked in the snow and I had to work to keep up with him – Damn his Russian, snow-walking genes! – until we reached a small cabin, an old watch post as he explained.

There, I was surprised to find Lissa, Christian and a woman I later learned was his aunt, Tasha. I vaguely remembered Lissa mentioning to me a few days prior that she was planning on visiting.

We moved inside the cabin and built a fire. _The five of us sat down, huddling around its heat, and Tasha produced a bag of marshmallows that we cooked over the flames._

_As we feasted on that gooey goodness, Lissa and Christian talked to each other in that easy, comfortable way they always had. To my surprise, Tasha and Dimitri also talked in a familiar and light way. They obviously knew each other from way back when. I'd actually never seen him so animated before. Even when affectionate with me, there'd always been a serious air about him. With Tasha, he bantered and laughed._

There, surrounded by the people closest to me I could almost imagine my life after graduation. I would have my best friend, my sister with me, her boyfriend and his closest relative and of course my guarding partner, Dimitri. And even though it pained me that was all he could ever be, I was happy, because at that moment I felt that was all the family I would ever need.

The conversation with Tasha was pleasant and the more I talked to her, the more I liked her. Soon, we were talking about the events that transpired with Christian's parents and my admiration for her grew even more. She was brave and strong and she had been more of a mother to Christian than mine ever was to me.

"…_So I learned all sorts of self-defense. And after a while, I didn't really, uh, fit in so well with high society around here. So I moved to Minneapolis and made a living from teaching others." she finished._

When I heard her version of the events, I realized, it wasn't that different from what happened to us at the Badicas'. Suddenly, I wanted to talk about it too.

"A few days ago, I was supposed to take a test, my Qualifier. We had to leave the academy to go meet the Guardian that would examine me." I started.

She looked a little confused at what I was telling her, probably wondering why I would be telling her about my academic career after she shared her most painful memory with me. Lissa and Christian looked mildly surprised that I was talking about it when I refused to before and they stayed silent, hanging from my every word. Dimitri, as well – he showed surprise only for a moment, and then looked at me questioningly. _Are you sure?_ he seemed to say.

I took a calming breath and continued my tale, looking somewhere in the distance, remembering. "We arrived at the house he was guarding and he invited us in to start the test. I passed." I smiled at her for a moment, relishing in that little moment of heaven before all hell broke loose.

To my surprise, it was Dimitri who picked up the story. "Rose did brilliantly, Arthur Schoenberg was very impressed with her." He added, looking at me with a tiny smile.

"Oh? I didn't realize you were together. Well, congratulations, Rose, that's a great outcome, right?" said Tasha, still confused and unsure about our grim expressions. It occurred to me, that this was the first time anyone congratulated me for my test in the midst of everything. Once again, I was grateful that Dimitri chose to focus a little more at this part of the story.

"It is." I nodded quickly. "But then… We were supposed to leave for the academy, but there was snow and we had to wait and then night fell." I was rambling, I knew. My eyes were averted at the floor. I stole a glance at Lissa, who was looking at me with sympathy and I found the courage to go on.

My gaze turned hard at I looked at Tasha right in the eyes. "And then strigoi attacked." She gasped. "It is as you said; they came so suddenly. There were two guardians in the living room. One was down before he even knew what was happening, the other started fighting but he was all alone and didn't last long. The third was sleeping but woke from the noise and the fourth…" I turned to look at Dimitri. "The fourth was thankfully quick enough." I couldn't go on any more.

"Dimka?" said Tasha fearfully.

He broke eye contact and to the other three, continuing the story. "We had just finished breakfast and I wasn't on duty. I was caught off guard. When the glass shattered, the first on lunged at my neck but I dodged at the last moment. The other one went for Rose." They were listening intently now and I could feel Lissa get more and more upset through the bond. She realized I had downplayed the attack earlier.

"I knew she didn't have a stake. I had to do a risky maneuver but I managed to hand my spare to her." Then he turned to me. "The moment I gave it to you it occurred to me that this might be your first time touching a stake. That you didn't know how to use it, I was…" He cut himself off before he could say too much but his eyes revealed how terrified he'd been for me.

"You told me to go inside with the Moroi thinking I would be safe." I realized. "But there even more strigoi there." I turned to the others again, frowning. Lissa was openly crying now in Christians' arms, Tasha seemed pretty upset and even Christian looked disturbed.

"The first one I saw was drinking from a woman. I jumped at her and we fought and I tried to stake her, but…" I didn't know how to go on. How to admit my biggest failure.

"Rose managed to fight her off that moroi woman, saving her life and then staked the strigoi even with zero training." Dimitri finished for me. I guess when you put it like that it sounds impressive but I was still haunted by her screams.

"She joined me and the other guardian and the three of us took down the rest of them. You know the rest." He concluded. I guess he didn't feel the need to tell them about the escaped one. A few moments of silence passed.

"Oh, Rose! I'm so sorry!" Lissa attacked me with a tight embrace. I hugged her back feeling immediately better.

That broke Tasha of her stunned silence. "Wait, you said all this happened a few days ago? You meant the Badica attack?" her blue eyes widened in understanding.

I nodded. "The wards were broken, we were surprised and outnumbered, not to mention sleep deprived. They came from four different entrances herding us in. The moroi were completely defenseless. I hate to even think what would have happened if we" I motioned to Dimitri and I "hadn't been there. We stalled them enough for some moroi to run for cover, but there were still a lot of casualties. If only the moroi had known how to fight…" I trailed off. Tasha finally seemed to realize why I decided to share this story.

"Even more reason for our cause! They can't keep ignoring what's right in front of them!" she said with a determined expression full of fire. No pun intended.

Looking around at our somber faces she tried to lighten the mood. The rest of the time she told funny stories, with Dimitri adding a few details here and there. After some time, she inquired about the best place to shop and quickly organized a shopping trip to Missoula, which unfortunately we wouldn't be allowed to join.

Dimitri and I walked together back to the dorms and we talked about Tasha and his weird Russian nickname. He even called me Roza after so long… What a great way to end the night. Although it was technically daytime. _Ugh, I need sleep._

* * *

**Sorry if this is kind of a filler chapter but these things had to happen and I hope the little extra bit of length makes up for it. This part of the book is the hardest for me to write because things are still fairly similar to the actual books and I'm struggling not to make it boring. **

**The Tasha interactions are already taking their toll on me but sadly, she was pretty nice still at this point. I have a few _plans_ for her later. I can't wait for the ski lodge where things will get a lot more interesting…. I just have to get through Christmas first. **

**I'm going to cover the trip to Missoula next chapter where I want to explore a headcannon I've had for a while. I haven't seen it done before, so bear with me and you might be rewarded with an interesting theory. **

**A special thanks to all repeat reviewers. I hope you guys continue to support me and share your ideas with me forthe rest of this story. It's always interesting to see what people think will happen next.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for your reviews for last chapter. There weren't as many this time but I particularly enjoyed a few of them. Some of the points you made will be adressed in later chapters.**

* * *

**Chapter 5: Missoula**

DPOV

That night, escorting Rose to the dorms, it was especially hard to maintain my façade. I didn't regret my decision to bring her to Tasha's gathering. After a hard day she needed to relax and have some fun. And just as I expected, she did. Hopefully that little gathering had been enough to distract her from her mother's behavior.

What I hadn't expected was for her to start talking about the attack. As far I knew, she was still keeping it on the down low and only a few people knew. I was glad though that she opened up to her friends and Tasha, even though it was the first time she ever met her. It was obvious she was impressed with Tasha and from what I could tell the feeling was mutual. It made me really happy that one of my best friends and my… whatever Rose was – got along so well.

In a perfect world, it could have painted the perfect picture. Me and Roza together, spending time with her best friend and her boyfriend and my good friend/ said boyfriend's aunt. A perfect little family gathering. But guarding partners is all we could ever be, so I managed to maintain the friendly distance for the most part. When we were alone together though, it had been impossible not to let that little nickname slip. _Sigh._

Back to reality, I had to get ready for my shopping trip with Tasha. I followed the necessary steps to get it approved with such a short notice and even though they weren't thrilled lending a guardian to _Tasha Ozera_ they had no choice since I would be going on my own time. _But I would have to cancel morning practice with Rose_, I thought with slight disappointment. She was doing so well lately with the stakes that I cursed myself for not introducing them sooner. Once again, I underestimated her talent while being over cautious.

_Focus, Dimitri. _I checked out an academy car and went to wait for Tasha at our meeting point. I was a few minutes early as always, but I was surprised to find her already there, eagerly waiting. _She must really need to go Christmas shopping._

"Hi, Dimka. Ready to go shopping?" came Tasha's chipper greeting.

"Yep, get in." I replied with a smile. It was easy being with Tasha. I had known her for years, having met her at a royal banquet I attended with Ivan. A good friend of ours was Tasha's distant cousin and she happened to attend as well. I was there on duty and was pretty sure she only attended to annoy a few of the more stuck up royals, but Ivan liked her, I liked her and thus began an easy friendship.

Sometimes she flirted with me but I was always too focused on guarding Ivan to even consider a relationship. So we remained friends until now.

Once on the road, Tasha launched in conversation about the presents she wanted to buy for Christian and Lissa. It seemed the princess had completely won her over. It wasn't surprising; Lissa was one the nicest royals I had ever met and she always had an air of charisma around her. Tasha could see her married to her nephew already and she was ecstatic; which was obvious by looking at her extensive shopping list. Tasha wasn't what you would call a superficial royal but this Christmas was special for her family and she was planning a warm welcome for the newest member. I wasn't paying much attention to her plans about Vasilissa's presents, at least not until she mentioned Rose.

"And I'm also thinking about buying Rose a present. Not sure what yet."

"You want to get a present for Rose?" I understood she wanted something for Lissa. She would be kind of a daughter-in-law in the future. But Rose?

"Yes, Rose. She deserves it, don't you think? Her and Lissa are practically sisters and after all she's been through lately, I think a present is in order." That actually made sense.

"Yeah, I guess. That fight was hard on all of us, but she was especially affected. She tries to hide it, of course, but any guardian can see through her." _Or maybe it's just me._

"Really? She looked pretty calm to me; at least given the circumstances." She looked thoughtful for a moment.

"You would know, I guess. You were there. Are you really alright, Dimka? How many did you take down? Did you get hurt at all?" She put a comforting hand on my bicep.

"I'm fine." I sighed. "It was a good thing we were there. I killed three but I had help. I was more worried about Rose. I just wish I had started staking training sooner." I chose to spare her the details that made that comment necessary.

"Taking down a strigoi by herself and without proper training no less, she must be a talented novice." My heart swelled. I was right about Tasha liking Rose.

"She'll be a great guardian for Vasilissa."

"Yeah… Lissa will need many guardians when she graduates, right? And after that threat against royals… Guarding her will be a dangerous job." She said carefully.

I nodded. "Probably. But between me, Rose and Christian she'll be well protected. It's the perfect arrangement really." _At least as long as we can keep our feelings in check._

"Perfect arrangement huh… Aren't you worried at all?" _What's that supposed to mean?_

"About what?"

"You know, your life?" she said hesitantly. _She seems a little nervous for some reason._

I sighed_. I seem to do that a lot lately._

"I can't be worried about my life, Tash. That's a guardian's duty. They come first."

"Is that why you came with me today?" _I really don't know where this is coming from._

"Partly. I was happy to do it because I'm your friend but I would have done it anyway. Because I know it was the right thing to do. Rose knows it too. You saw how she defended you today." I added in a teasing tone. Rose had been shocked to hear that Tasha has no allocated guardians and even spoke on my behalf when escorting Tasha to the mall came into question. "Just because the royals don't like you, it doesn't mean guardians won't protect you." _Especially the truly dedicated ones like Rose._

"Well, then, maybe I should take her advice and request a guardian." She said, giving me a sidelong glance.

"I'm sure you'd manage it if you really wanted to." I said, smiling. Sure, the council might not be happy but they can't completely ignore a royal.

She looked at me for a moment and, surprisingly, after a slight pause she changed the subject.

"I think I'll get Rose a present after all. You should too."

"Me? I could, I guess." Maybe the battle would be a good excuse to do so. Then again what do I say? _Merry Christmas, Rose, congrats on not dying._ "I wasn't really planning on shopping."

"Oh, come on! Don't be too hard on the poor girl. And you know you can be more relaxed with me; I'm not defenseless! You can actually shop for once." She teased.

I shook my head at her. "Technically, I'll be on duty." She scowled disapprovingly. "We'll see." I conceded.

She sighed. "Fine. But at least give me some ideas. I have a list and everything for Christian and Lissa. And I have your presents ready." She teased.

"Oh? Presents?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you might come shopping with me so I had to get them beforehand. One for Christmas, one for your birthday. You didn't think I'd forget, did you? "She smiled.

I laughed slightly. "You don't have to make a big deal out of my birthday." Ivan always insisted on celebrating but after his passing I hardly gave it any thought.

"Come on, we have to celebrate at least a little bit! Your charge will be at the academy for once. We can do something together."

"Yeah, maybe." I smiled. It didn't sound like such a bad idea really. Maybe I'd consider it if I was off duty.

"So, you know Rose the best out of the two of us. Ideas?" _A present for Rose? _I forced my mind to stay away from all the inappropriate things I'd like to give her and decided on a safe topic.

"Maybe lip gloss?" I shrugged, wanting to seem indifferent.

"Lip gloss? That's it?" she grimaced.

"She wears it every day and always complains when she's low on it. She shouldn't bother wearing it during training really" _though I'm glad she takes care of herself_ "but she doesn't want to 'Turn into Alberta' quote unquote." _Though that would never happen given her beauty._

"Hmm. The girl novices don't really have the chance to be very feminine, huh? Maybe I'll get her a dress. Something pretty and feminine. Possibly silk. Yes." She nodded, resolute. I groaned internally.

_I hope I can survive another dress._

The rest of the shopping trip was uneventful. We reached the mall in Missoula and I was instantly reminded of the last time I had been here. It was much more relaxed with just Tasha and I compared to the whole entourage we had when the Lissa and the Dashkovs were here. When Roza was here. _Sigh_.

Tasha went crazy at the mall, searching the perfect gifts for her precious nephew and his girlfriend. I had to carry some of the bags since there were so many, which I wouldn't have minded if I hadn't been on duty. I figured, however, that Tasha wouldn't mind too much if I discarded them in case of an emergency. Despite that, the conversation flowed and was pleasant as always, even though we had been up for hours and we were both exhausted at this point.

On Tasha's insistence, I bought Rose's favorite lip gloss and I briefly wondered if there was a pattern forming for every time I come to this mall. Tasha did find a dress for Rose and I had to try my hardest to stop my mind straying to inappropriate thoughts. I wasn't doing a great job.

It wasn't a skimpy dress, but I could clearly imagine how it would hug her figure in all the right places and how the red color would make her stand out in a crowd. I could imagine how the silk would feel if I ran my hands down her body or if I lifted the fabric up and over her head much like that day.

That was part of the problem. It wasn't just my overactive imagination I had to contain. It was the memories of another dress, first on the hanger at this very mall, then on her figure as she walked on Ashford's arm and finally on my bedroom floor when I had taken it off of her during the lust charm, only to uncover the flawless skin underneath… _Sigh. I really need to stop thinking about these things and I need to stop sighing. Sigh. Ugh, I give up._

"Dimka? Are you listening?"

"Huh? Sorry, Tash, I'm getting a little tired."

"Yeah, me too." She agreed. "I was saying that I have something to talk to you about. Then we can go. Is that alright?"

"Yes, of course. What's on your mind?" I asked leading her to a nearby table. I was hoping this would brief and we wouldn't have to order anything because the back to back exhaustion of the last few days was getting to me.

"Well, you see, on the way here, I was thinking about that guardian thing." _Hmm?_ Tasha was a confident woman. I had rarely seen her nervous. And she was always independent and refusing protection. What had brought this on?

"You're seriously thinking about getting a guardian? I thought you liked not having one; what brought this on?" I wondered. She had said something along those lines during the car ride but I never thought she would actually do it.

"I like not having a guardian shadow my every move… But what if wasn't your typical guardian/moroi arrangement? What if that guardian was my friend and not just someone on the wall?"

"I'm sure you can find someone you can be friends with." I reasoned. Tasha was a likeable person and most guardians preferred to be treated like actual people. She wouldn't have to search much.

"I'm friends with you already." She whispered. That's when the meaning of her words hit me.

"You want _me_ to be your guardian?" That was unexpected.

"Why not? We have fun together. We could train together. It would be nice. And safe." She explained, looking at me through her eyelashes.

"Tasha, I already have an assignment. To the last Dragomir. Right now, that might be the most prestigious position next to the Queen's royal guard."

"You were never one to care about such things." She sounded almost offended.

"I don't." I nodded. "But I can't just ask to be reassigned for no reason. Turning down a position like that… The council would ask questions. What would I say? That I wanted to be with my friend or that I'm too scared for my life? That would be a disgrace. I would be a failure as a guardian. It might be worth it if my charge was awful to me but Lissa is nice. Plus she's the last of her line; she's important for the moroi world." I couldn't believe we were having this conversation. She should know these things already.

"Yes, but reassignments still happen without the guardian being 'disgraced' as you say."

"Sure, but you would need a valid reason. You can't change your charge every time you make a better friend."

"Of course, you're right." She smiled but it seemed forced. I hadn't meant to hurt her feelings but she surprised me. Yes, we were good friends, but why the insistence on specifically me? There were many guardians that would be more than happy to trade their asshole charges with someone that respected them.

She didn't volunteer anything else and frankly; I was too confused and too tired to dig deeper.

"Come on, we're both tired, we should be going."

Tasha, sat in the passenger seat next to me and slept all the way back to the academy. I tried to stay focused on the road but my exhaustion made me easily distracted my thoughts wandered to her as usual. Thank God I was good at multitasking.

My current state was only marginally better than that of a few days ago, in another car ride, with another beautiful girl in the passenger seat. Rose had been through a hell of day, her mind possibly traumatized, her clothes torn and bloody and yet she slept just as peacefully as Tasha was right now as if that whole ordeal had been nothing more than a day at the mall.

Looking at Tasha now I realized that watching her sleep didn't evoke anything close to the feeling of peace that watching Roza had. I had been so tired that day and yet having her there safe, was enough to keep me going until we were back inside the wards. I briefly wondered whether the fact that I only liked watching Rose sleep, as opposed to all women, made me less creepy or more. _Sigh._

My mind wondered to Tasha's idea about me being her guardian. It would be so easy. I like Tasha, we have a lot in common, but most of all, there are no complicated emotions involved. I would be far away from Rose for the most part and wouldn't be putting my charge in danger. And yet my heart clenched at the mere thought of parting from her. _Would she forget about me? Would she move on?_ I shoved the distressing thoughts away for the moment. It wouldn't come to that. I had no reason to leave.

My scattered thoughts stopped plaguing me when I finally reached the familiar structures of the academy. Bidding Tasha goodbye, I approached the guardian dorms. I still had a couple of hours before my morning practice with Rose started but I knew I needed more sleep than that. I had to stop pushing myself like this. Maybe I would lay off the extra shifts during the holidays. _Yeah right. You always say that._

I was contemplating whether I should leave a note or something for Rose at gym or just not show up and letting her work it out by herself when a head of red hair caught my attention.

"Guardian Hathaway" I greeted with a small nod. _Great, just what I needed right now. _

"Guardian Belikov" she nodded back.

"Can I help you?" _Why is she even up at this hour? Doesn't this woman sleep?_

"I wanted to talk to you about Rosemarie." My tiredness must have shown through my mask because she backpedaled a little. "This might not be the best time, I suppose."

"I was just heading to sleep."

"Yes, the last few days must have been stressful for you" she said with slightly narrowed eyes. _So, she's finally heard about the attack. Sigh._

"That and the fact that I had to accompany a moroi for a shopping trip." I replied stiffly.

"Don't you have morning sessions with Rosemarie in a few hours? I was hoping to attend and see her progress."

"I'm afraid practice is cancelled for this morning. You are welcome to attend our evening session."

"Well, since you can't make it this morning why don't I supervise Rosemarie's session? It wouldn't do to miss practice when there is a perfectly capable substitute." It wasn't an offer or a tone I could refuse. Rose would be pissed. _I'm too tired for this._

"Yes, that would be fine." _I hope you don't kill each other._

With a curt nod she turned on her heel and headed for the opposite direction. I walked towards the guardian dorms in a zombie-like trance and prayed to whatever God would listen that I wouldn't regret this and that still have a student in the morning.

* * *

**So, this was my version of the Missoula trip. It would be slightly different in the books because the butterfly effect is already changing a few things.**

**It always struck me as odd that Tasha prided herself in her training and boasted about not needing guardians in Frostbite and then a few days later she suddenly wants one. I think if she had come to visit intending to make that offer, she would have handled things differently, maybe complain about feeling unsafe or something.**

**That's when inspiration hit. It was Rose that insisted that it was wrong to refuse Tasha her guardian because of her family. It was Rose that insisted Dimitri escorting her was the right thing. And then they go shopping and Tasha gets a little taste of what it would be like having Dimka by her side and she realizes… Dimitri would never leave Ivan. But maybe he would leave Lissa. If not for her friendship then maybe if she ups the stakes.**

**So yeah. In this one getting Rose a present can be a reward for killing a strigoi/surviving whatever. This is why Dimitri actually got her something this time. In the book, however, it was a surprising gesture according to Rose. Because maybe Tasha felt thankful for a different reason. She was grateful for THE GREAT IDEA OF GETTING A GUARDIAN. I'm not sure if you'll agree with me but for me the realization was mindblowing.**

**Thoughts?**

**Tasha hate?**

**Both welcome : )**

* * *

**PS. Dimitri is hard to write but exhausted, distracted Dimitri reflects my own frazzled thoughts, so I hope that it seems fitting. **


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